Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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