Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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