her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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