You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
