I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
