I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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