An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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