I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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