My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
