Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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