CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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