While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
