I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
