Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
