i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
