I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
