Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
honey bunches of taint.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
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He managed to light the Jello on fire...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
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No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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