she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
