apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
