So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
