i jhust puked up my retainher.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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