I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
why do cheetos always look like penises
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
