The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
you made out with another girl for some wings
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
