One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
