also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
He uses pillows to masturbate.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
