im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
