I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
