My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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