Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
