My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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