I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
