my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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