Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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