Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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