Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
