he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
