its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
