That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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