i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize