I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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