Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There r osticjed everywhere
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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