Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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