you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Randomize
