At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm getting married
To pizza
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
