Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
