Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
