Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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