I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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