so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
