He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
