This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
