chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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