ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
