In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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