i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
