its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
