Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize