I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
