I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
