I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
