I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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