My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
