The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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