Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Two words: nipple clamps
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