Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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