sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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