i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
