His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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