I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
