1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
