3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
