He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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