I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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