I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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