not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
